by Jacob Wierzbicki, ImOn Communications, & YP Co-Director of Marketing

Dress like this – talk like that – study this – learn that – work here – don’t work there – gain experience – be patient – find a mentor – work for a good company – save your money – follow the rules – make safe decisions – buy a house – build a family – retire. Sound familiar? 

Social norms are loosely defined as a set of unwritten – and in many ways unspoken – yet implied, set of rules to live by that are acceptable to a certain group or society. These ‘norms’ in many ways are strongly needed to help society (humanity rather) govern itself of what is considered acceptable behaviors. For example – there is a reason you don’t walk up to a random person and tell them you don’t like their clothes. Society has taught us that it is unacceptable behavior because it is mean, judgmental, and unnecessary. Now of course – the only things that define what is mean, judgmental, and unnecessary is the morality with which we choose to live by that are (of course) strongly influenced by historical social norms. 

However, in the true paradoxical fashion of the universe what can be used for good can also be used for bad. For example, micro-social norms – meaning the specific groups we associate with on a day-to-day basis can harm one’s thoughts and behaviors. For example, in the world of the “young professional” in many communities (not all), but many, it is unacceptable to dress a certain way. Jeans and a t-shirt are not exactly “professional” attire. Of course – what is and what is not considered “professional” is defined by whom? Or in another instance – as a new, young employee – you have a great new idea that will make a current day-to-day process more efficient. You bring it up to others around you and they are scared that it will offend the upper management. So, they portray that fear onto you – saying while it may be a great idea…it is probably best to let it go. While these negative social constructs can manifest in a lot of ways – it only serves the point that some social norms can have negative repercussions on one’s thought and self-image. 

I’ll leave it up to you to decide where social norms have influenced your life in either a positive or negative manner. The point of this post is not to argue for, or against, ‘social norms.’ They will always be there and quite frankly – are needed in many ways. The point of this is to argue the point that we as individuals should not allow these social norms to constrict us in any way. Sure – we need them as a guide. But ultimately, we have to learn how to do the things we want to do because we want to do them…not because we think we are supposed to do them, based on the opinion of the status quo.

Understand that whichever you choose – you will receive judgment. This is where I have learned to thrive – I am an innate problem solver and a people person. I want to make those around me smile and be happy, but I also want to make a positive difference. Over the past eight years of being an “adult” (side note: adulting sucks) – I have learned that the concept of pleasing everyone while trying to make a difference is a hard one to execute. Think about it – if there is a current sales process in your organization that is old-fashioned and no longer working – but 90% of the sales team loves using it because “eh, it works” or “this is the way we’ve always done it” – offering up a new process is going to be like swimming up a creek without a paddle. You may get somewhere – but you’re going to fight the whole way. Now you know by pushing for this change – you will create a positive difference... for your sales, for the sales of the other team members, and to the entire organization. What do you do? Choose to keep it to yourself for fear of judgment for disrupting the internal status quo? Or fight for the process of change in an order to make a positive difference? 

Either way, you’re going to be judged. Either you’re judged for “making noise” and causing a pattern shift – or you're judged for keeping your intelligence to yourself. The only way to win here is to do what is right for you. To know what is right by you, you need to create a professional moral code for yourself (unless you already have one) – create lines around how far you will go to make a change in your business, your team, your community. Once you determine those parameters – you know that whatever decision you make – it will be the right one, because you chose to do what you believed what was right instead of falling into the “fear of judgment” trap.

Not everyone is meant to disrupt – not everyone is meant to lead – not everyone is meant to follow – but we are all meant for something. Create the self-awareness to decide that for yourself – then stick by it. Through adversity, I have learned to do what I believe to be true regardless of what others say – in doing this, I have become very happy. I wake up every day excited to be alive, excited to go out into the world and take on all the problems that come with it. As fellow young dream chasers – I implore you to live your own life. To instead chase happiness. Not the right degree, or the perfect job or the greatest family – but happiness. That’s it. There is no right way to live life – if there was, things like depression and suicide wouldn’t exist. The only right way is to do what makes you happy and to be willing to take the risks long enough to figure out what that is. 

Be proud of who you choose to be – because the paradoxical dance of individualism creates a society of perfectly flawed humans. Believe in yourself, because we see you and you’re beautiful – now if we can get you to believe that…you will change the world. 

P.S. Michael Scott found success by going against the grain….